Email Campaign Archive

Beware of Comparisons

By Mike Tully
 

When I was breaking into the newspaper business,
my boss gave these instructions to those of us
covering high school sports:

1. Don't trash any athlete or team.

2. Don't compare any athlete to a professional.
  

Those instructions, issued so many years ago, hold
true not only for sports reporters but also for
volleyball parents and coaches. 

The first rule - never trash anybody - should be
self-explanatory and applies to any area of life.
The second one - the one about comparisons - often
trips up parents and coaches. Though perhaps
well-intentioned, the comparisons can take fun out
of the game, put unnecessary pressure on the
athletes, and quickly erode their confidence.

"Comparisons are odious," George Herbert said.

Actually, comparisons can be worse than odious.
They can be downright destructive, and my wife
once put a quick end to it when a teacher tried to
compare our daughters.

"This one is nothing like her sister," the teacher
told my wife.

"Well, her sister is nothing like this one," my
wife replied, ending the conversation and making
sure that the teacher knew better than to try again.

This topic comes up because in my gym, I will soon
have to fight any impulse to compare siblings. In
just a year or two, there will be younger sisters
of current players arriving in our program. It's
my job to make sure that these arrivals have fun.
They certainly don't need a coach adding
expectations and pressure to all the social,
academic and athletic currents they must navigate
in high school. 

Just as coaches should avoid comparing siblings,
parents should be on guard against comparing their
children to other athletes. Believe me, as young
people walk the school halls every day, they get
enough messages about status. The gym should be a
place where they belong, not have to struggle to
fit in. And no child likes to be told by a parent
that other children are better.

If anything, as parents and coaches we can teach
our athletes a constructive way to view their
peers. It's called modeling, and is outlined in
"Volleyball Cybernetics" by Stan Kellner and Dave
Cross. In short, this formula goes this way:
Identify someone who does a skill better than you
do, watch what they do, and imitate it.

When we teach our athletes how to model, we offer
them freedom: What skill to focus on, whom to
copy, how to sort through the maze of growth.

In summary, a gym should be a place where
athletes can grow, have fun, and test themselves.
Coaches and parents alike should be dedicated to
creating a climate where this is all possible.

-Mike Tully is a member of the "Yes, I Can!"
coaching staff. You can hear him now on his "Pep
Talk" hotline at (973) 773-2151.