Email Campaign Archive

Keeping Yourself on a Even Keel

-By Tom Houser


Coaches:

Since I’ve been coaching, I’ve had minutes where I
thought I was the best coach in the state. I’ve
also had minutes when I thought I had to be the
worst coach in the world. Probably neither is
true. But if I’m foolish enough to listen to what
others say about me, then there’s no telling how
my thoughts will be influenced.

Here’s what made me think of this topic:  A
coaching friend of mine was told in June that she
would not be rehired for this fall. She wasn’t
given a reason, and in Virginia none is required.
Well, she didn’t work at the school, thus she
still had her regular job. Now, she’s helping me
with my private lessons.  

Well, I went to a match last Monday and sat in the
bleachers beside a parent whose daughter played
for both the dismissed coach in school ball and
for me in club ball. “You know, Tom, ‘Cindy’ was
just devastated last year by Coach’s constant
criticism. It really set her back.” I was like,
“Really? That’s too bad.”  

Then on Thursday, as if the volleyball gods wanted
me to write an article about this, I get an email
from a different parent. He emailed the dismissed
coach about his daughter’s amazing spiking the
night before, and cc’d the email to me. This
parent’s daughter and Cindy were even teammates
last fall! His email stated, “Also, I want to
thank you for giving [my daughter] the chance at
this. We give you the credit for seeing her
potential two years ago and are thrilled she is
getting the chance to prove it. Coaching is not
just about wins and losses, it's getting the
players to play at the level you see as possible
where the player themselves might not see it. You
excelled at that.”  

Amazing, isn’t it? I’m sure these contradictory
statements are said about you. I know they’re said
about me!  

No, You’re Probably Not The Best Coach In Your State.

So when your team wins that big game, when they
carry you out on their shoulders, etc., you’d
better not let it go to your head. Because when
you do, it’ll be a hard fall!  

In fact, that’s exactly what I think has happened
to me during this past club season. I fell hard.
And it hurt. And it was partially my ego’s fault.

How did my head swell? The players and parents who
participate in my camps and private lessons seem
so thankful. They seem like they are enjoying
themselves and they appear grateful. But many of
the parents on my club team last year were none of
those things. They were looking out only for their
children. And when it all blew up at Nationals,
neither the guilty parents nor their children have
contacted me since. I guess from their point of
few, “That’s what Coach gets for not playing our
children.”  

The entire incident hurt my feelings. I think I
would have blown it off better 5 or 10 years ago.
I believe that my success with lessons and camps
has made me think I’m better than I am, that I’m
criticism-proof, abuse-proof, and if my pulse
beats the team will do just fine. Sure, none of us
deserve abuse. But differences with parents do
occur. Yet, over the past 3 years, I think I have
so convinced myself that I’m at the top of my
profession, that when the meltdown occurred, I
crashed so hard that I don’t think I’ll be
coaching any more.  

Wow, that’s so different than where I was just a
few years ago. I would tell people I wanted to
coach until I just couldn’t physically do it any
longer. It’s been a hard fall.  

During our careers, this is how we should be
talking to ourselves: “Am I as good as people say?
No. Are they truly grateful? I don’t know. Or are
they just sucking up because they want to make
sure you pick their marginal daughters for the
next team? No telling. Are you going to do your
best? Yes. Are you going to let these compliments
go to your head? NO! Are you going to be the same
guy you have always been? Yep, just a little more
mature and wiser. But nothing else.”  

Please do these things. I don’t want you to cause
your own suffering like I have.  

No, You’re Probably Not The Worst Coach In The World

1989. My team was up 10-3 in the final game at
Regionals. Win and we’re going to states for the
first time in the program’s history. Then an
opponent started serving. We couldn’t handle them.
We couldn’t side out. I used subs. I called
timeouts. She finally missed a serve at 10-14! We
scored one point, but then the next server closed
out the match. Yep, I remember it well, 20 years
ago.  

Why do I bring this up? At 31 years old, I knew
that I hadn’t spent enough time on our serve
receive and defense. I had thought about it the
entire season, but was too young -- and didn’t
have enough respect from my players -- to make the
girls believe that I knew we were in trouble.
After that loss, I was inconsolable for about a
week. I thought I just had to be about the
weakest, most timid coach anywhere around.  

I felt like I was the reason we lost that match.
In fact, I still think that, and I think it’s
accurate. But was I the worst coach around?
Probably not.  

Seriously, for a moment, let’s investigate this:
What makes you “the worst coach around”? Not your
lack of volleyball knowledge. Not your lack of
athleticism or lack of height. You are the worst
coach around if you don’t care much about your
team and don’t care much about your players.  

Let’s make a little check list of what poor
coaches do. Poor coaches:

a) Criticize constantly. Praise very little;

b) Run drills which are nearly impossible to
“win,” where there are nearly always consequences
for the loser;

c) Run practices and drills that are mundane and
useless;

d) Do not help the players find a club team to
play on, go to summer camps, or raise money;

e) Do not care about the girls after they’re
injured, after they’ve graduated, after they can
no longer spike or pass or dig;

f) Don’t settle issues on the team, just leaves
the gym when practice is over, and show up the
next day.

And this is just the start. I’m sure you readers
can think of dozens more.  


Finally:

I was at a high school match this week, and the
team that won is off to their best start in years.
Someone said, “We haven’t had a winning season
this decade!” After the match and after speaking
to her players, the 2nd-year coach came out of the
locker room. She got a loud ovation from the
waiting parents. I guess my eyebrows shot up. Wow.
Is she the best coach around? You think? It’s
possible.  

However, a few weeks after last season was over,
she spoke to a starter and told her to make plans
on NOT trying out for the team again in the fall
of 2009. Why? Coach had “her” girls coming up from
JV, and wanted to only have “her” girls on
varsity. I believe this is the truth because the
girl told me -- Coach Houser -- a few days after
the meeting. The girl said to me, “I’m not giving
up on my team and my sport.” Her parents proceeded
to tell the superintendent, “If our daughter is
cut for this reason, we’ll sue.” What did the
Coach do? First, Coach didn’t say ONE WORD to the
girl from that day in November until the school
year ended in May. Second, the girl did make the
team last month and is even starting! I can’t
believe it.  

What do you think of that? Is that coach the worst
coach around? Probably not.  

Why were the parents cheering for this coach?
She’s obviously not the best coach. She’s
obviously not the worst. I have no clue. These
things have always puzzled me and I’m still
thinking about it. When I figure it out, I’ll let
you all know!  


-Tom Houser
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, “I Can’t Wait” Drill Collection and Ebooks
Head Coach, 2009 Roanoke Junior 16 Nationals,
Old Dominion Region Champion
Junior National Participant-2006, 2009
www.coachhouser.com