Email Campaign Archive

Should You Praise Your Star?

-By Dave Cross



Here's another situation I have run across a
couple of times in the past few weeks, that I
hope you will avoid in your own program:

A coach tells me that he didn't want to praise
his best player when she did well because he
didn't want her to get a "big-head".

A player tells me, (the best overall player by far
on her team), that she feels her coach hates her
because he never tells her when she does well,
but points out her mistakes and yells at her when
she does goof up.

To me, these are different instances of the same
basic situation:

The coach is taking for granted that his star
player is self-confident enough to not need
praised.

It's been my experience that many times the best
skilled players lack the self-confidence that is
typically expected from someone that is as
successful at something as they are.

In these situations, the very lack of self-confidence
we are overlooking as a coach is what has made
them the player they are.

In other words, they never feel they are doing
well enough, they are never "satisfied" and
continue to push themselves to do better-even
though those around them see them as "the best
on the team."

Is this always the case? No, of course not-but it
is many more times than we might think when
coaching girls.

Some of my best players over the years have been
like this.

As coaches of adolescent girls, we need to keep in
mind how much these kids live in the "here and
now". In other words, how much they are focused
on the most recent events in their lives in
comparison to past events-or future possible ones.

This tends to put them on an emotional roller
coaster. What has just happened, or has been said
to them, is way more important in their minds than
anything else.  

Hey, that's why there is so much "drama" in
high school-even between the best of friends many
times-think about it!

Coaches: Always praise your players when they do
well-no matter how often that might be. Don't
ever think a young lady doesn't need praised for
her accomplishments-no matter how good you feel
she is.

Remember: What you and a kid think about the same
series of events or situation can never be assumed!

Yeah, I know, seems like a "no-brainer" huh?

Ok, then why has it popped up twice around me in
the last couple of weeks?

And, if you do see your "stud" starting to
develop a "big-head", we all know it's pretty
easy to deflate that pretty quickly-because
whatever you have said to them most recently is
going to carry alot more weight than everything
else you have said in the past combined.

Or, you can choose to take the risk of messing
with your stars head, leaving her to doubt her
abilities and watch her underachieve.

To me, that sounds alot more frustrating than
realizing you have to bring her back "down to
earth" a little one day.

Thank about it.....


-Dave Cross
National Director
Yes I Can Volleyball