Your Yes I Can Gold Gift Message
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 am A Playing Time Issue
Vaccination
-By Tom Houser
A Question for Coach Houser:
I decided 6 months ago I wasn't going to coach club
ball any longer, but like a fool, I got talked into
it. Now, I'm not a rookie. I'm in my 7th year.
But every year my players and parents have these
huge issues with me about playing time. Kids have
attitudes, parents have to talk with me, even aunts
and boyfriends want their say. It's what's made me
reluctant to coach. Our first tournament is next
weekend. I'm dreading it already. Isn't there any
kind of vaccination that I can give my team to
prevent another outbreak? I swear right now:
Another year of playing time issues, and I'm done.
In fact, I may not even finish this season.
Coach Houser's Reply:
Hey coach! I've got a vaccination, but it may be
too late for your team. The disease may have
already taken hold. But let's hope not!
On my team, we approach this subject from the very
first day. At our opening meeting, I told both
players and parents that, "You know we have 11
players. If you can't handle sitting on the bench,
then tell the club director now that you want to
drop off this team and there will probably be no
argument."
In addition, I've discussed playing time with my
players twice since then. "You would not even
consider disrupting our team by pouting, whining,
complaining; would you? Hey, are you in this for
you? Or are you in this for your teammates and for
your team?"
Our program director also is adamant about the
playing time issue: "The issue of playing time
will not be an issue." It's awesome to have a
director who has such a rule. Of course, I can
discuss playing time with parents if I wish; but I
use her words in my discussions with parents and
players. Her standard sure does make it easier
since no parent can say, "I'll just talk to Coach
Jones about it."
My team begins playing this weekend with a 3-day
event in Richmond. I've made it a habit the past 4
years to send out an email to the parents before
our first tournament. It's one last attempt at
keeping the parents thinking "team".
Here is what I sent to the parents last night
before I went to bed:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello parents!
I'm not sending your daughter a copy of this.
It's been a wonderful 7 weeks. No stress, no
heartache. Your daughters have been wonderful!!!
But the next 3 months may have some trying
moments. Let me tell you what's on my mind and in
my heart about playing time. The following is
very, very important to me.
What your daughters have already accomplished:
After tonight's practice, your daughters will have
practiced 36 hours! This doesn't count the
voluntary hours. Pretty impressive!! The girls are
all better at hitting, serving, setting and
passing! Now, let's look at the other side of
the coin. We're guaranteed 8 matches in Richmond
this weekend (approximately 6 hours of playing
time). That doesn't compare, does it? So, if your
daughter only plays 10% of the time this weekend
she will have had nearly 37 hours of contacting a
volleyball since our first voluntary practice. And
if she plays 90% of the time in Richmond , she'll
have a total of about 41 hours. Hmmm. Not that
much difference, is there? A few weeks ago at
practice, all of the coaches and players spent
about 20 minutes just laying on the floor talking.
When I asked the players, "Why did you try out
for Roanoke Juniors this year?", your daughters
mentioned things like improvement, togetherness,
bonding, learning, travel, competing, fun, making
new friends, etc. After they were finished, I
said, "Do you realize what you didn't say?" They
couldn't even answer me. "No one mentioned playing
time, being a starter, being the MVP, etc?
Everyone was thinking of the team and fun." I
knew that it would be this way. I can tell that
they were raised that way. Yes, the girls are in
agreement!! Our team's success and bonding is more
important than their individual playing time. And
if the girls ever find themselves in a situation
where they're wavering in those beliefs, the
adults in their lives must reaffirm that it's
team first, individuals second.
Our club director's attitude on the subject: At
all-team parents meeting, you may remember our
club director saying, "Parents don't pay fees
for their daughters to play. Parents are paying
for the experience of being on a travel team."
She also encourages the "play to win" attitude
from her junior coaches, her JV coaches and from her
own high school players. In fact, have you ever
seen the girls who are on her bench during a
match? Not only are they having a good time, but
there is no pouting, no attitude, no anger. Yeah,
sometimes both they and their parents get a little
down. I know because I sat with the parents in the
bleachers for four seasons. But they almost never
show any disappointment in public. The players act
this way not only because it's expected of them;
but, also because they realize that any other
behavior is a show of selfishness and "My
daughter's playing time and my daughter's glory is
more important than my team's success." Wow.
Last year, a girl at one of my camps stated, "The
subs on our club director's team have more fun
than the starters at our school." This doesn't
just happen by chance. It's taught, discussed and
reinforced by coaches and parents, year after
year.
My Beliefs Regarding Playing Time:
During this coming travel season, playing time
won't be guaranteed for any player.
Equal/significant playing time for every girl on
the team won't be a priority. I will put the
girls on the court who give us the best chance of
winning each game. Now, Shannon and I will try to
get some playing time for all the girls, but we
will not force the issue. At this age, playing
time is not something an athlete deserves. It must
be earned.
Of course, parents will sometimes disagree with my
decisions. That's a part of coaching that I
accept. But what I cannot accept is any fussing or
arguing about playing time, either in person, by
phone, or by email. I talked with you guys at our
opening team meeting about how if one parent is
allowed to discuss her child's playing time for
30 minutes, then the next parent feels like they
have to, then the next one, etc. It's a cycle
that I won't allow to even begin.
The "no discussion of playing time" request also
goes for grandparents, uncles and aunts, boyfriends,
etc. As our club director says, "Playing time
will not be an issue." We have 11 girls, so at
all times 45% of our team won't be playing.
Unfortunate. But we all knew that it would be that
way when the team was selected. We talked about it
at that first parents meeting and I said,
"Please, if you can't handle this, there will no
hard feelings if you leave our team now. But
don't do it in February." Since no one left,
please try to maintain this determination the
entire season! Plus, by Jan 31st, everyone will be
paid in full! Why Leave Then?
Starting lineups and substitution patterns will
change. If Shannon and I notice that one girl is
progressing faster than another, she will see more
playing time. Also, if Shannon and I notice that
one girl is having a poor
tournament/match/weekend, then we will try to give
another girl more playing time. Girls may also get
chances at different positions. I plan on finding
the position on the court which gives your
daughter the best chance to help our team the
most. So, if your daughter doesn't get into a
game or a match, please be patient. Getting mad at
me or at the situation won't help you or the
team. And it definitely won't help your daughter.
If your daughter finds that receiving limited
playing time in an entire tournament is almost
unbearable, then ask her to tell you about our
assistant coach Stephanie. A number of years ago,
Stephanie was on my 15's club team and almost
never got to play; yet, she was the ultimate
example of the benefits of patience and hard work.
Or you can ask her yourself this weekend. You'll
get goose bumps listening to her. Sam's now got a
number of college coaches recruiting her and she
will be visiting a college in South Carolina on
Monday!! GOOD LUCK SAM!!! Your focus on your dream
and your persistent pursuit of it has paid off!!!
So in conclusion, we're going to have a great
time this weekend and this season!! The girls, the
parents and the coaches are all going to do their
very best to keep the team unified. We're all
going to support each other. We're all going to
be "team first, individuals second". And all the
adults -- coaches included -- are going to be role
models for the children!
I can't wait for Saturday. I'm so excited to
show people what your children have learned and
how good they are!
Thank you for reading this.
See you guys in Richmond!
Tom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Readers:
Most years at least one parent will come to me and
say, "I'm so glad that we didn't have playing time
issues. It was refreshing to not hear all the
gripes and see the parents fuss at the coaches.
And it's because you're so up front with us." Of
course, these are always the parents whose
daughters play a lot, so I don't really get all
that excited about it. Haha.
Do whatever you have to do to protect your team.
Having players and parents whining and complaining
all season about playing time will contribute to
those little tears in the team fabric that can be
the beginning of a rip that cannot be fixed.
And if you get these parents and players off your
back, maybe you'll just discover why you got into
coaching in the first place!
-Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2007 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks
www.coachhouser.com
-By Tom Houser
A Question for Coach Houser:
I decided 6 months ago I wasn't going to coach club
ball any longer, but like a fool, I got talked into
it. Now, I'm not a rookie. I'm in my 7th year.
But every year my players and parents have these
huge issues with me about playing time. Kids have
attitudes, parents have to talk with me, even aunts
and boyfriends want their say. It's what's made me
reluctant to coach. Our first tournament is next
weekend. I'm dreading it already. Isn't there any
kind of vaccination that I can give my team to
prevent another outbreak? I swear right now:
Another year of playing time issues, and I'm done.
In fact, I may not even finish this season.
Coach Houser's Reply:
Hey coach! I've got a vaccination, but it may be
too late for your team. The disease may have
already taken hold. But let's hope not!
On my team, we approach this subject from the very
first day. At our opening meeting, I told both
players and parents that, "You know we have 11
players. If you can't handle sitting on the bench,
then tell the club director now that you want to
drop off this team and there will probably be no
argument."
In addition, I've discussed playing time with my
players twice since then. "You would not even
consider disrupting our team by pouting, whining,
complaining; would you? Hey, are you in this for
you? Or are you in this for your teammates and for
your team?"
Our program director also is adamant about the
playing time issue: "The issue of playing time
will not be an issue." It's awesome to have a
director who has such a rule. Of course, I can
discuss playing time with parents if I wish; but I
use her words in my discussions with parents and
players. Her standard sure does make it easier
since no parent can say, "I'll just talk to Coach
Jones about it."
My team begins playing this weekend with a 3-day
event in Richmond. I've made it a habit the past 4
years to send out an email to the parents before
our first tournament. It's one last attempt at
keeping the parents thinking "team".
Here is what I sent to the parents last night
before I went to bed:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello parents!
I'm not sending your daughter a copy of this.
It's been a wonderful 7 weeks. No stress, no
heartache. Your daughters have been wonderful!!!
But the next 3 months may have some trying
moments. Let me tell you what's on my mind and in
my heart about playing time. The following is
very, very important to me.
What your daughters have already accomplished:
After tonight's practice, your daughters will have
practiced 36 hours! This doesn't count the
voluntary hours. Pretty impressive!! The girls are
all better at hitting, serving, setting and
passing! Now, let's look at the other side of
the coin. We're guaranteed 8 matches in Richmond
this weekend (approximately 6 hours of playing
time). That doesn't compare, does it? So, if your
daughter only plays 10% of the time this weekend
she will have had nearly 37 hours of contacting a
volleyball since our first voluntary practice. And
if she plays 90% of the time in Richmond , she'll
have a total of about 41 hours. Hmmm. Not that
much difference, is there? A few weeks ago at
practice, all of the coaches and players spent
about 20 minutes just laying on the floor talking.
When I asked the players, "Why did you try out
for Roanoke Juniors this year?", your daughters
mentioned things like improvement, togetherness,
bonding, learning, travel, competing, fun, making
new friends, etc. After they were finished, I
said, "Do you realize what you didn't say?" They
couldn't even answer me. "No one mentioned playing
time, being a starter, being the MVP, etc?
Everyone was thinking of the team and fun." I
knew that it would be this way. I can tell that
they were raised that way. Yes, the girls are in
agreement!! Our team's success and bonding is more
important than their individual playing time. And
if the girls ever find themselves in a situation
where they're wavering in those beliefs, the
adults in their lives must reaffirm that it's
team first, individuals second.
Our club director's attitude on the subject: At
all-team parents meeting, you may remember our
club director saying, "Parents don't pay fees
for their daughters to play. Parents are paying
for the experience of being on a travel team."
She also encourages the "play to win" attitude
from her junior coaches, her JV coaches and from her
own high school players. In fact, have you ever
seen the girls who are on her bench during a
match? Not only are they having a good time, but
there is no pouting, no attitude, no anger. Yeah,
sometimes both they and their parents get a little
down. I know because I sat with the parents in the
bleachers for four seasons. But they almost never
show any disappointment in public. The players act
this way not only because it's expected of them;
but, also because they realize that any other
behavior is a show of selfishness and "My
daughter's playing time and my daughter's glory is
more important than my team's success." Wow.
Last year, a girl at one of my camps stated, "The
subs on our club director's team have more fun
than the starters at our school." This doesn't
just happen by chance. It's taught, discussed and
reinforced by coaches and parents, year after
year.
My Beliefs Regarding Playing Time:
During this coming travel season, playing time
won't be guaranteed for any player.
Equal/significant playing time for every girl on
the team won't be a priority. I will put the
girls on the court who give us the best chance of
winning each game. Now, Shannon and I will try to
get some playing time for all the girls, but we
will not force the issue. At this age, playing
time is not something an athlete deserves. It must
be earned.
Of course, parents will sometimes disagree with my
decisions. That's a part of coaching that I
accept. But what I cannot accept is any fussing or
arguing about playing time, either in person, by
phone, or by email. I talked with you guys at our
opening team meeting about how if one parent is
allowed to discuss her child's playing time for
30 minutes, then the next parent feels like they
have to, then the next one, etc. It's a cycle
that I won't allow to even begin.
The "no discussion of playing time" request also
goes for grandparents, uncles and aunts, boyfriends,
etc. As our club director says, "Playing time
will not be an issue." We have 11 girls, so at
all times 45% of our team won't be playing.
Unfortunate. But we all knew that it would be that
way when the team was selected. We talked about it
at that first parents meeting and I said,
"Please, if you can't handle this, there will no
hard feelings if you leave our team now. But
don't do it in February." Since no one left,
please try to maintain this determination the
entire season! Plus, by Jan 31st, everyone will be
paid in full! Why Leave Then?
Starting lineups and substitution patterns will
change. If Shannon and I notice that one girl is
progressing faster than another, she will see more
playing time. Also, if Shannon and I notice that
one girl is having a poor
tournament/match/weekend, then we will try to give
another girl more playing time. Girls may also get
chances at different positions. I plan on finding
the position on the court which gives your
daughter the best chance to help our team the
most. So, if your daughter doesn't get into a
game or a match, please be patient. Getting mad at
me or at the situation won't help you or the
team. And it definitely won't help your daughter.
If your daughter finds that receiving limited
playing time in an entire tournament is almost
unbearable, then ask her to tell you about our
assistant coach Stephanie. A number of years ago,
Stephanie was on my 15's club team and almost
never got to play; yet, she was the ultimate
example of the benefits of patience and hard work.
Or you can ask her yourself this weekend. You'll
get goose bumps listening to her. Sam's now got a
number of college coaches recruiting her and she
will be visiting a college in South Carolina on
Monday!! GOOD LUCK SAM!!! Your focus on your dream
and your persistent pursuit of it has paid off!!!
So in conclusion, we're going to have a great
time this weekend and this season!! The girls, the
parents and the coaches are all going to do their
very best to keep the team unified. We're all
going to support each other. We're all going to
be "team first, individuals second". And all the
adults -- coaches included -- are going to be role
models for the children!
I can't wait for Saturday. I'm so excited to
show people what your children have learned and
how good they are!
Thank you for reading this.
See you guys in Richmond!
Tom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Readers:
Most years at least one parent will come to me and
say, "I'm so glad that we didn't have playing time
issues. It was refreshing to not hear all the
gripes and see the parents fuss at the coaches.
And it's because you're so up front with us." Of
course, these are always the parents whose
daughters play a lot, so I don't really get all
that excited about it. Haha.
Do whatever you have to do to protect your team.
Having players and parents whining and complaining
all season about playing time will contribute to
those little tears in the team fabric that can be
the beginning of a rip that cannot be fixed.
And if you get these parents and players off your
back, maybe you'll just discover why you got into
coaching in the first place!
-Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2007 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks
www.coachhouser.com