Your Yes I Can Gold Gift Message
January 9th, 2008 at 6:31 am A Parent Explanation: The
"Reality" of Playing Time
-By Tom Houser
A Question for Coach Houser:
Our daughter was a senior this past season who
worked her way through the system. She played on
the 9th grade team in 9th grade, "B" squad in
10th, JV in 11th and was very proud when she made
varsity in 12th. Yes, I did say proud to make the
team. I have been shocked since she starting
playing volleyball that this program does not
guarantee that a senior will make the varsity
team. Adding to our frustration was that fact that
even while the team won 4 while losing 18, she
played very little and came home hurt and crying
night after night. I could understand not playing
seniors if there were younger superstar players to
play instead. But there weren't any. I also think
that Coach played the younger girls looking at the
future of the program. A lot of programs get
caught up in this trap, and if you are always
consumed with playing for the future, you are
missing out on playing for today. This was a year
where Coach could have really revived the program
and let all of the girls play. But, instead of
taking care of who got him here, he used it to
send a message to the younger girls that he
believes in them.
Readers:
I try to stick to the issues that concern you. But
sometimes I get emails from parents that I not
only want to answer, but I want to share those
answers with you.
This email in particular is typical of a mom who's
hurting. But she incorrectly believes that her
daughter is entitled to benefits that the daughter
doesn't deserve. Instead of seeing the good in her
daughter's situation, she concentrates on what her
daughter isn't receiving.
I hope that you can use some of what I say below
in your next "encounter" with an angry,
unreasonable, irrational parent.
OK, let's get busy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Reply":
There is no right to be on a team. Even a middle
school team can't keep 30 or 40 girls on their
volleyball team. It's pretty awesome that your
daughter kept progressing through the program.
From what you're saying, she could have been cut
anytime along the way.
I tell my students and players that American
children only have about 10 "rights": education,
love, protection, food, shelter, etc. All other
privileges must be earned. Being on a team is
something you earn. Be thankful. The glass is half
full.
Guaranteed spot on the varsity team? Are you
kidding me? Then, the summer before a player's
senior year, why lift? Why go to camps? Why stay
in shape? "Hey, all seniors make the team." Are
you saying that if some rookie seniors wanted to
try out in August, they would have made the team
also? I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. Your
job, your car, your phone and your home. None of
that is guaranteed. You're asking us to teach your
children, "If you do a, b and c, then d is
guaranteed without you doing a thing!" No, this
isn't Indiana Jones. Members of teams work each
and every day until coach says stop. They must
earn everything they get.
There is no right to playing time. Maybe some
middle school teams have mandatory playing time
rules, but most high schools are trying to win
championships. Every member of a high school team
should have that championship as her #1 goal. If
the team members have other agendas, then their
future on the team and with the coach is tenuous.
Unless their daughter is an integral part, many
parents don't care about championships. They only
care about their child's happiness. And I accept
that. Before it sounds like I just gave in, no I
didn't. I just accept that parents feel the way
they do. Do I let it influence me? Let it dictate
who plays? No, I fight for my team, I just
understand that a parent's heart is ripped open
when their baby is unhappy.
It's always intrigued me how in June and July
parents are in "worry mode". They're so, so
concerned about whether their child will make the
team. No one talks about playing time much,
because it's not important. But, my oh my, after
the tryouts are done, and the girl makes the team,
then the parents switch to "entitlement mode".
They flip to statements like, "She deserves
playing time. When are you going to give her a
chance!"
My response has always been something like, "Would
you rather her have been cut? You DID want her to
make the team right? Now, that she's made the
team, you're angry because she's not playing. Why
weren't you concerned about that at all in June or
July?"
I may also respond, "We can't get 'deserve' and 'earn'
mixed up. What we deserve in life are our human
rights as Americans. Everything else must be
earned."
Coaches play to win. I'm always stunned when
parents say, "We lost, so why didn't my daughter
play?" Your daughter didn't play because Coach was
trying to win, and Coach thought the best chance
of winning rested with the girls who were on the
court. It's that simple.
There's no law about when to make subs. When the
match is decided -- down 0-2 and 4-16 in the 3rd--
some coaches will make sure everyone gets to play.
I probably would, but only if the non-starters
have earned playing time. But some coaches will
stick with the starters. Why do coaches differ
regarding when full-scale subs are timely? It's
kind of like asking why some coaches drive red
cars and some drive blue. When someone can decide
why I like raw cabbage but I don't like raw
carrots, then you'll also be able to figure out
why I substitute my players the way I do.
Who really knows what's best for the team? Coach
sees the team every day. Coach and the assistants
watch practice, know each girl's work habits, and
see them every day under some stressful condition.
The parents, on the other hand, may see the team
in action 3 hours a week; yet, from that short
period of time, many parents feel like they not
only know the most prudent time to make subs, but
even the best starting lineup, and which positions
the kids should be playing. Sorry, parents. No you
don't know all that. Leave the coaches alone and
let them do their job. If Coach is cursing,
pushing, embarrassing, or making sexual advances
to the girls/team, then the parents have something
to complain about. Otherwise, the coach was hired
and was the best person that could be found to do
the job.
At the end of the season, if you're still unhappy,
go to the athletic director and principal. If
enough of you complain, they may hire a new coach.
But be careful what you wish for! After you see
the new coach, you may wish you had the old one
back.
Playing for the future. The team won only 4 of 22?
Then the team was out of the conference
championship picture after the first month. We've
already established that Coach was trying to win.
So in Coach's opinion, the seniors didn't give the
team the best shot at winning.
I disagree with your statement that coaches are
always looking to the future. For me, I split my
brain up into about 10% today coach, 70% this
season, and 20% future. I imagine most coaches are
like that. In other words, most of my plans and my
decision are to prepare the team for the matches
that have to be played during our season. I know
that in my junior practices, I presently see the
weaknesses that are going to lose points, and I do
my best to fix them. No, I don't coach for next
season until next season. Otherwise, I compromise
this season. I'm not doing that and I don't think
your coach was doing that. We want to win too
badly.
I've told you guys often about how my team lost
its first 9 matches in the 2000 season. I had 5
seniors, 6 juniors and 2 sophomores. Every week,
I'd make minor tweaks the starting lineup. We kept
losing. Next in line was one of the sophomores.
Even though Melissa didn't have a lot of pop in
her hit, she had wonderful ball control. I hadn't
been starting her because I was looking for more
offense from the position. Well, the first night
she started, we won. Yeah, we may have won the
match with one of the others girls starting, but
Melissa could out-pass and out-dig them all.
Furthermore, the team we beat actually had a
winning record! We won, and we kept winning! So
for the rest of the season, Melissa was starting.
I remember a parent of a senior who was pretty
upset about Melissa starting. His daughter had
been in our program for all 4 years since
transferring from Ohio. She'd gotten some playing
time as a sophomore on JV, but that was it. He was
pretty bummed that it appeared that her career was
going to end just like it started. But I said, "I
gave her a chance. She has started 4 matches, and
she played just like she plays at practice: too
many hitting errors and her passing was too shaky.
What do you want me to do?" He said pretty much
what the mom said above. "No, playing time must be
earned. Melissa is playing the best of any OH on
the team. And I don't care if she were 8th grader
or she were 5'2", Melissa's going to remain in the
lineup until someone else steps up and takes the
spot away."
The reality of your daughter's career: The next
sentence that you read may be hard to swallow, but
I'm afraid that you've never thought of it.
If your daughter was a "program-changer," a
volleyball beast, then she would have been on
varsity much earlier in her career. The fact that
she labored in the lower levels of the program for
so long proves that she's not incredible at the
sport of volleyball. Mom, she played JV in the
11th grade. Doesn't that tell you something?
Hey, I'm sure she was a fine player, but she was
not a blue-chip athlete, not a Division 1
prospect. (That describes every player on my team
that started 0-9).
You should feel very fortunate that she even made
the varsity program. When there are THREE lower
level teams, with approximately 12 girls on each
team, the competition to make varsity must have
been fierce.
Now's also a good time to be grateful that those
lower teams even existed! At most schools there is
only JV and varsity. So your daughter is lucky she
was a student at that particular school, or her
career would have ended before she ever became a
senior.
I am sure that your daughter is very knowledgeable
of the game and that she was a very hard worker.
Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten as far as she
did. Congrats to her! If she were my daughter, I'd
be very proud. From your email, I can tell that
you are too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Readers:
Some of my statements above are pretty harsh and
tactless. Even as a proofread this, I was
thinking, "I'd never say those exact words." I
recommend you stand your ground while
simultaneously not adding fuel to the fire.
If you know volleyball and you know your team, you
must stand up to the pressures of the job. Parent
intrusion and complaining is part of coaching high
school. How much intrusion you allow is your
decision. How long you talk to the parents about
your decisions is also your decision. I recommend
you adopt the policy that "Playing time will not
be discussed. It won't be an issue." Otherwise,
the discussion is an open-ended quagmire,
especially for the young and/or inexperienced
coach.
-Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2007 and 2008 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks
www.coachhouser.com
-By Tom Houser
A Question for Coach Houser:
Our daughter was a senior this past season who
worked her way through the system. She played on
the 9th grade team in 9th grade, "B" squad in
10th, JV in 11th and was very proud when she made
varsity in 12th. Yes, I did say proud to make the
team. I have been shocked since she starting
playing volleyball that this program does not
guarantee that a senior will make the varsity
team. Adding to our frustration was that fact that
even while the team won 4 while losing 18, she
played very little and came home hurt and crying
night after night. I could understand not playing
seniors if there were younger superstar players to
play instead. But there weren't any. I also think
that Coach played the younger girls looking at the
future of the program. A lot of programs get
caught up in this trap, and if you are always
consumed with playing for the future, you are
missing out on playing for today. This was a year
where Coach could have really revived the program
and let all of the girls play. But, instead of
taking care of who got him here, he used it to
send a message to the younger girls that he
believes in them.
Readers:
I try to stick to the issues that concern you. But
sometimes I get emails from parents that I not
only want to answer, but I want to share those
answers with you.
This email in particular is typical of a mom who's
hurting. But she incorrectly believes that her
daughter is entitled to benefits that the daughter
doesn't deserve. Instead of seeing the good in her
daughter's situation, she concentrates on what her
daughter isn't receiving.
I hope that you can use some of what I say below
in your next "encounter" with an angry,
unreasonable, irrational parent.
OK, let's get busy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Reply":
There is no right to be on a team. Even a middle
school team can't keep 30 or 40 girls on their
volleyball team. It's pretty awesome that your
daughter kept progressing through the program.
From what you're saying, she could have been cut
anytime along the way.
I tell my students and players that American
children only have about 10 "rights": education,
love, protection, food, shelter, etc. All other
privileges must be earned. Being on a team is
something you earn. Be thankful. The glass is half
full.
Guaranteed spot on the varsity team? Are you
kidding me? Then, the summer before a player's
senior year, why lift? Why go to camps? Why stay
in shape? "Hey, all seniors make the team." Are
you saying that if some rookie seniors wanted to
try out in August, they would have made the team
also? I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. Your
job, your car, your phone and your home. None of
that is guaranteed. You're asking us to teach your
children, "If you do a, b and c, then d is
guaranteed without you doing a thing!" No, this
isn't Indiana Jones. Members of teams work each
and every day until coach says stop. They must
earn everything they get.
There is no right to playing time. Maybe some
middle school teams have mandatory playing time
rules, but most high schools are trying to win
championships. Every member of a high school team
should have that championship as her #1 goal. If
the team members have other agendas, then their
future on the team and with the coach is tenuous.
Unless their daughter is an integral part, many
parents don't care about championships. They only
care about their child's happiness. And I accept
that. Before it sounds like I just gave in, no I
didn't. I just accept that parents feel the way
they do. Do I let it influence me? Let it dictate
who plays? No, I fight for my team, I just
understand that a parent's heart is ripped open
when their baby is unhappy.
It's always intrigued me how in June and July
parents are in "worry mode". They're so, so
concerned about whether their child will make the
team. No one talks about playing time much,
because it's not important. But, my oh my, after
the tryouts are done, and the girl makes the team,
then the parents switch to "entitlement mode".
They flip to statements like, "She deserves
playing time. When are you going to give her a
chance!"
My response has always been something like, "Would
you rather her have been cut? You DID want her to
make the team right? Now, that she's made the
team, you're angry because she's not playing. Why
weren't you concerned about that at all in June or
July?"
I may also respond, "We can't get 'deserve' and 'earn'
mixed up. What we deserve in life are our human
rights as Americans. Everything else must be
earned."
Coaches play to win. I'm always stunned when
parents say, "We lost, so why didn't my daughter
play?" Your daughter didn't play because Coach was
trying to win, and Coach thought the best chance
of winning rested with the girls who were on the
court. It's that simple.
There's no law about when to make subs. When the
match is decided -- down 0-2 and 4-16 in the 3rd--
some coaches will make sure everyone gets to play.
I probably would, but only if the non-starters
have earned playing time. But some coaches will
stick with the starters. Why do coaches differ
regarding when full-scale subs are timely? It's
kind of like asking why some coaches drive red
cars and some drive blue. When someone can decide
why I like raw cabbage but I don't like raw
carrots, then you'll also be able to figure out
why I substitute my players the way I do.
Who really knows what's best for the team? Coach
sees the team every day. Coach and the assistants
watch practice, know each girl's work habits, and
see them every day under some stressful condition.
The parents, on the other hand, may see the team
in action 3 hours a week; yet, from that short
period of time, many parents feel like they not
only know the most prudent time to make subs, but
even the best starting lineup, and which positions
the kids should be playing. Sorry, parents. No you
don't know all that. Leave the coaches alone and
let them do their job. If Coach is cursing,
pushing, embarrassing, or making sexual advances
to the girls/team, then the parents have something
to complain about. Otherwise, the coach was hired
and was the best person that could be found to do
the job.
At the end of the season, if you're still unhappy,
go to the athletic director and principal. If
enough of you complain, they may hire a new coach.
But be careful what you wish for! After you see
the new coach, you may wish you had the old one
back.
Playing for the future. The team won only 4 of 22?
Then the team was out of the conference
championship picture after the first month. We've
already established that Coach was trying to win.
So in Coach's opinion, the seniors didn't give the
team the best shot at winning.
I disagree with your statement that coaches are
always looking to the future. For me, I split my
brain up into about 10% today coach, 70% this
season, and 20% future. I imagine most coaches are
like that. In other words, most of my plans and my
decision are to prepare the team for the matches
that have to be played during our season. I know
that in my junior practices, I presently see the
weaknesses that are going to lose points, and I do
my best to fix them. No, I don't coach for next
season until next season. Otherwise, I compromise
this season. I'm not doing that and I don't think
your coach was doing that. We want to win too
badly.
I've told you guys often about how my team lost
its first 9 matches in the 2000 season. I had 5
seniors, 6 juniors and 2 sophomores. Every week,
I'd make minor tweaks the starting lineup. We kept
losing. Next in line was one of the sophomores.
Even though Melissa didn't have a lot of pop in
her hit, she had wonderful ball control. I hadn't
been starting her because I was looking for more
offense from the position. Well, the first night
she started, we won. Yeah, we may have won the
match with one of the others girls starting, but
Melissa could out-pass and out-dig them all.
Furthermore, the team we beat actually had a
winning record! We won, and we kept winning! So
for the rest of the season, Melissa was starting.
I remember a parent of a senior who was pretty
upset about Melissa starting. His daughter had
been in our program for all 4 years since
transferring from Ohio. She'd gotten some playing
time as a sophomore on JV, but that was it. He was
pretty bummed that it appeared that her career was
going to end just like it started. But I said, "I
gave her a chance. She has started 4 matches, and
she played just like she plays at practice: too
many hitting errors and her passing was too shaky.
What do you want me to do?" He said pretty much
what the mom said above. "No, playing time must be
earned. Melissa is playing the best of any OH on
the team. And I don't care if she were 8th grader
or she were 5'2", Melissa's going to remain in the
lineup until someone else steps up and takes the
spot away."
The reality of your daughter's career: The next
sentence that you read may be hard to swallow, but
I'm afraid that you've never thought of it.
If your daughter was a "program-changer," a
volleyball beast, then she would have been on
varsity much earlier in her career. The fact that
she labored in the lower levels of the program for
so long proves that she's not incredible at the
sport of volleyball. Mom, she played JV in the
11th grade. Doesn't that tell you something?
Hey, I'm sure she was a fine player, but she was
not a blue-chip athlete, not a Division 1
prospect. (That describes every player on my team
that started 0-9).
You should feel very fortunate that she even made
the varsity program. When there are THREE lower
level teams, with approximately 12 girls on each
team, the competition to make varsity must have
been fierce.
Now's also a good time to be grateful that those
lower teams even existed! At most schools there is
only JV and varsity. So your daughter is lucky she
was a student at that particular school, or her
career would have ended before she ever became a
senior.
I am sure that your daughter is very knowledgeable
of the game and that she was a very hard worker.
Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten as far as she
did. Congrats to her! If she were my daughter, I'd
be very proud. From your email, I can tell that
you are too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Readers:
Some of my statements above are pretty harsh and
tactless. Even as a proofread this, I was
thinking, "I'd never say those exact words." I
recommend you stand your ground while
simultaneously not adding fuel to the fire.
If you know volleyball and you know your team, you
must stand up to the pressures of the job. Parent
intrusion and complaining is part of coaching high
school. How much intrusion you allow is your
decision. How long you talk to the parents about
your decisions is also your decision. I recommend
you adopt the policy that "Playing time will not
be discussed. It won't be an issue." Otherwise,
the discussion is an open-ended quagmire,
especially for the young and/or inexperienced
coach.
-Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2007 and 2008 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks
www.coachhouser.com