• Dear All...
  
  My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
  year........
  
  I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the
  one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now
  have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
  sealing.
  
  Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I
  open for the same reason.
  
  I no longer have any savings
  because I gave it to a sick girl(Penny Brown); who is about
  to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
  
  Actually, I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
  receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
  sending me for participating in their special e-mail
  program. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants
  to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost
  relative of a customer who died intestate.
  
  I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
  angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has
  granted my every wish.
  
  I no longer use cancer-causing
  deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot
  day.
  
  Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
  answered if I forward e- mails to seven of my friends and
  make a wish within five minutes.
  
  Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because
  it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol
  without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial
  killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
  
  I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
  me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the
  phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which
  I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
  Singapore and Uzbekistan.
  
  Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because
  a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to
  cause me instant death when it bites my bum. And thanks to
  your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
  under the car as there is probably a sex molester waiting
  there to grab my leg.
  
  If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
  the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on
  your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12
  camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy
  hump.
  
  I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
  friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second
  husband's cousin's gay beautician.
  
  By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy
  study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have
  infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with
  their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now,
  it's too late.
  
  Have a rainbow day.
  
  Your friends at http://www.templarbond.com
  
  P.S. go look at the cute dog picture at http://www.comeplayme.net
  and tell me what you think.

  December 10th, 2007 at 3:32 pm

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