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Hi Friend

Sometimes you're on top of the world. Other times
you're in the gutter. You're always the same person.
Why the ups and downs?

Why do the 'peak' moments never seem to last as
long as the gutter moments?

It's all in how you function.

For most of my life, I functioned as a victim.

What exactly does that mean?

A 'function' is like a soda machine. You put something
in - and it always gives you something back out. You
put in your money and you get out a diet coke. That's
a function.

I was a victim. And I acted like a victim. Why?


1. I used it to connect with other people.

"Did I tell you what happened to me?"

Basically, it was a way to belong. To get love. To
connect.

You know the saying: "Selling is a transference of
feeling"? Well, that's how I used victimhood. I want
*you* to know how *I'm* feeling!

I want to transfer *my* feelings to *you*.


2. I used it to avoid responsibility.

Choices and decisions; taking a stand; being in charge:
it all seems so scary.

"I don't want to be responsible!"

Better to let circumstances tell me what to do. Can't
make a mistake if I don't do anything!

"After all, I'm a victim. I can't be responsible for what
happens in my life."


3. It became my identity. A way of life. A state of
being. A state of existence. And I grew to like it.

"I don't know who I'd be if I weren't a victim."

It was familiar. It gave me 'comfort'. Because I
didn't see the damage it was doing. I didn't know
it shut out the love I was so desperately seeking.


See, I wasn't trying to destroy the world by being
a victim.

But if I can get you to feel sorry for me...

If I can just get you to take care of me...

Is that a crime?

I took the main coping skill of a child and used it as
a grown-up in a grown-up world. Being a victim is
kind of like sucking your thumb. There's no law
against it, but still it doesn't look very nice.

I thought it was the 'best', the 'safest', the 'smartest'
option for living life.

I was *motivated* to be a victim. It was the
'default' selection:

"When in doubt, function as a victim."

A function works like this:

INPUT ---> FUNCTION ---> OUTPUT

My input: the events that happened in my life.

My function: how I interpreted those events.

My output: how I would think and feel and act.

So if I function as a victim, I will take any event -
good or bad - and make it into something that
supports my victimhood.

Some people experience horribly painful events in
their lives, and turn them into something inspiring
and uplifting. Lemons into lemonade.

An outside observer might see them as a victim;
but they don't see themselves that way. Or if they
did feel like a victim, it didn't last.

Everybody will experience tragedy at one time or
another. But not everybody will function as a victim.

What about you?


Traps Of Victimhood

1. People who function as a victim end up creating a
victim reality. The world really does conform to their
wishes! The more you feel like a victim, the more you
become a victim. You have a tendency to keep
sinking deeper and deeper.

2. Just as people tend to avoid victims, if you're a
victim you'll tend to avoid *yourself*. You'll tend to
avoid your 'realness'. Through pity, judgments, blame,
righteousness, etc.

It separates you from yourself. Separation leads to
pain. Thus, victimhood becomes a pain factory.

Victimhood is a trap. Most will never escape. Because
there's nothing to grab hold of. It's like being in a mud
pit. Or a swamp.

The problem is, victimhood sucks you in and it holds
on tight. You start believing the lie: "You really are a
victim, and you'll always be a victim. There's nothing
you can do."

You become a victim to your own victimhood.


The Way Out

You've got to first discover your current motivation for
functioning as a victim. Why is it so alluring? Why is
it okay? Why does it seem to be the best option? What
are you secretly getting out of victimhood? What do
you not want to admit about it?

Tell yourself the truth. No one else needs to hear.
(They probably already know, anyway!)

Then, you've got to find a stronger motivation to be
the opposite. What's the opposite of a victim?

A fully-functioning human being. You can put various
labels on it: winner, leader, etc.

But you need to find the label that makes the most
sense to you.

I found my label. It suited me well. More importantly,
it motivated me strongly; more than anything else
would. It helped me create new neurological pathways
in my brain.

But it might not be the right one for you.

The trick is to have an image - a vision - of something
that represents the exact opposite of a victim. And to
make it more alluring, more attractive, than the victim.

You need to find *your* image. Your label. Your
vision.

What gets you excited? More than anything else?
What puts a smile on your face when you think about
it?

If you come up with your own unique image, I can show
you how to hold it in your heart and keep it alive. I can
show you how to feed it, so it grows stronger and
becomes more real.

It's called The Change-Maker Technique. It's a free
bonus that comes with the e-book, "How To Create
Your Own Reality."

Read all about it here:

http://www.create-reality.com

It sure beats the heck out of sucking your thumb!


all the best

Mark


brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!

http://www.create-reality.com

http://www.reduce-fear.com

http://www.forgive-yourself.com

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com