Email Campaign Archive

Hi Friend


Maybe you're like I used to be. Remembering every
little wrong that was ever done to you. It seemed I
had a 'reference book' that listed all the wrongs that
others did to me. And all the wrongs I committed as
well; both to myself and others.

Nothing was too small to be included in my book. I
obsessed about that stupid book. I invested a lot
of energy into it.

Are you holding onto the past? And you won't let go?
Sometimes it's because you aren't even aware of what
you're doing.

You hang on because, well, that's what people do. It
seems a natural reaction to events of the past.

If those events are unresolved; we hang on. As if,
somehow - miraculously - they will work themselves
out. If we just waste enough of our energy by
holding on - perhaps God will take pity on us and
relieve us of our burden.

Or perhaps we carry the past because we have to
keep our guard up - so it won't happen again.

"I carry around yesterday's dirty dishes so I will have
no dirty dishes today."

But the very lack of resolution almost guarantees we'll
repeat that past. As a way to 'get it right this time'. We
don't change by holding onto the past. Quite the
opposite, in fact. Holding on locks us into place.

If you haven't learned the lesson from that event of the
past, how can you make it any different now? Holding
anger is NOT learning a lesson!

You may be able to change the form -

"Mother will never hurt me again!"

But not the function -

"I'll just pretend you're my mother. And not admit
it, even to myself."

Then you end up with the same hurt, the same
function, but in a different form. Instead of mother
hurting you, now it's this other person.

FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION.

Changing the form doesn't change how you'll feel.
You've got to change the function as well.

In this case, the function amounts to the position,
the attitude, the stance that you've taken to not
forgive yourself.

It' like you're walking backwards. You're looking
to the past to give you answers for the present.

Some people won't let go of yesterday's pain
because they honestly believe they deserve to be
punished for real or imagined sins.

They become harsher than any judge and jury
would be. They keep themselves imprisoned in
their own self-judgments.

"I deserve to be punished for what I did or for what
happened to me."

People will often be harder on themselves than
anybody else would be. Frankly, most people really
don't care what you've done. They might be quite
surprised to hear you still haven't gotten over -

"That?! C'mon. Good grief. Forgive yourself and let
it go."

While you say, sheepishly, "Okay I will".

But you don't. Not because you're bad and wrong, or
stupid or unevolved. Most likely, it's because you just
don't know how.

"I want to let go - but I can't seem to be able to do it.
I don't know how."

Well, it starts with awareness of the problem, right?

You've got to recognize what's going on to have any
chance at all of changing things. You must see the
problem as clearly as you can from as many different
angles as you can.

To more fully understand a situation, follow these
seven steps:

http://www.emotional-times.com/2007/05/how-to-understand.html



Second step - feel the impact of the problem.

Here's where we start to get stuck. In fact, many
people never make it past this step.

Oh, they feel alright. They feel something. And they
know it hurts. But what they're feeling is rarely the
impact of the past event. Rather, they feel the STORY
they TELL themselves about that past event.



How do I know they feel the story rather than the
event? Because if they honestly felt the impact -
cleanly - without the story - they would almost
AUTOMATICALLY progress to the third step.

(Which is forgiveness.)

If you cleanly feel the impact, you will reduce or
even eliminate the EMOTIONAL CHARGE that
surrounds the memory of that past event. And it's
the emotional charge that keeps the event locked
into your memory so strongly.

The emotional charge is like a force filled with a
magnetic attraction that WON'T LET YOU let go of
the past.

"But it's the feelings that hurt! How do I let go of
the feelings if it's the very feelings themselves that
are forcing me to feel them?!"

Because it's the story, pretending to be your true
feelings, that keep the pain in place and the memories
intact. The story keeps the past you so much want
to end, from ending.

The story is like a hamster wheel. No matter how
much energy you give it, you don't get anywhere.
You don't make any progress. And nothing changes.

You spin and spin and spin. You can't get any traction.

Blame: "THEY did this, not me!!!"

Righteousness: "I'm right and they're wrong!"

Avoiding: "I don't want to even think about this."

Holding out for the guarantee: "I'm not going to
deal with this until you prove it will change things."

Pity: "Whhhyyyy did this have to happen to meeeeee?"

The story can be made of these, or various other
components. Often times, it can be a mish-mash of
several parts... a complicated mess that you never
seem to hold up to the light of day.

Because when you look closely, it tends to get a
little ugly.

If you're on a hamster wheel, and you seem stuck,
the answer is to get off the wheel.

STEP BACK and look for what's real. Remove the
righteousness from the anger, for example.

Yes, you really are right. But so what? You can't
let go of the anger if all you can think about is how
YOU are right, and THEY are wrong. You'll spin
on the righteousness and never even touch your
real anger.

That's one example.

Where are you stuck? What can you not get out
of your head? What are you spinning on? What
are the thoughts and feelings that you can't stop
thinking and feeling?

YOU'VE GOT TO FIND THE TRACTION!!

One way to do that is to get these audio files and
use them to get in touch with your true feelings:

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page3.htm

Or maybe back up a little and listen to this intro
audio file first:

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page2.htm

Then, you can move on to forgive yourself with
greater elegance and ease.

http://www.forgive-yourself.com


all the best

Mark


brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!

http://www.create-reality.com

http://www.reduce-fear.com

http://www.forgive-yourself.com

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com