Friend - find your hate
October 6th, 2005 at 12:57 amDear Friend Welcome to another issue of Emotional Times. You are
receiving this message because you signed up for the Emotional
Healing Quick Start Guide. If you'd like to unsubscribe from future
mailings, simply click on the link at the bottom of the page. And
if you've written me lately, and still haven't heard back, it's
because I'm still working my way through the latest batch of
emails. Sorry. Here's an article I just wrote on working with
depression: What To Do When You Feel So Bad You Just Want To Die
-or- Making Hate Work For You As long as I live, I'll never forget
the feeling of my mouth wrapped around the cold blue steel of the 6
½ in. barrel of my Ruger Blackhawk .357 single action revolver. I
was so close to pulling the trigger. And nobody ever knew. It
seemed like I could turn on the 'manic' phase at will - and be as
friendly and outgoing and talkative as the situation required. But
as soon as I was alone again, I'd start sinking down, down, down.
Those days are long gone - and I doubt they're ever coming back.
I've found too many tools I can use to feel better. (Mostly because
I learned the value of embracing and releasing my emotions!) But
what do you do - when the argument to kill yourself becomes too
strong? ...and a little too logical? "Hey - I gave it my best shot.
I tried. God knows I tried. But I failed. This pain will never end.
C'mon Mark - you know that. Nothing could be worse than these
feelings. You know you'll be doing the world a favor. Go ahead. Get
it over with. Do it now..." You hear that stuff in your head and
you start believing it. When you're in that place of total despair
- your options become quite limited. One option involves taking
antidepressants. And under those circumstances - who could blame
you? In my opinion, this may perhaps be the only real situation
where taking a depression medication truly qualifies as an
appropriate response. Especially if you can't do the second option.
The second option involves understanding the many different
emotional levels, and "working your way up the ladder". Climbing up
from where you are now, to a different emotional state that feels
better. All emotions exists on a scale, from the most positively
expansive down to the most negatively constrictive. Most of the
time, we feel stuck on whatever level we're at - especially when
we're on the lower end of the scale. True depression - along with
the thoughts and feelings it generates - lies at the very bottom of
this scale. Nothing is worse than severe depression. It's the
lowest level of all possible emotional states. See, when you're
truly crushed by depression - you're not likely to just snap out of
it and feel wonderful. At best, you'll usually fake it for a short
time by going into manic behavior, and then end up right where you
started from. But if you can correctly identify where you're at
right now - emotionally speaking - then you have a starting point
with which to work. And once you have a starting point, then you
can reach and stretch for the best possible thoughts and feelings
available to you. Loneliness is a step up from the crushing weight
of depression. When you've reached the total despair of
hopelessness and depression - even feeling painfully lonely is a
step in the right direction. Beyond that lies hate and rage. Being
consumed with hate is two steps up from depression. Much better to
feel hate than to feel depression. Am I telling you to feel hate?
Yes, if you're currently lonely or depressed, definitely reach for
your hate. Not to stay there, but as one step on the emotional
ladder. There's a lot of passion in hate. If you're *not* lonely,
depressed, hopeless, empty or hollow - then don't go for hate! The
goal is to always reach for a better feeling state. It starts with
knowing where you are right now. It starts with awareness of what
you're thinking and feeling. If you will take a sheet of paper and
write out all your thoughts - and then take another sheet and write
down all your feelings - ...you will begin to find your hope. And a
tiny bit of your power. "Going through" your emotions strengthens
you. And one way to start going through your emotions is to write
them down. Go through your emotions. You could imagine yourself
walking through a minefield or a battlefield, if that's what it
takes. Embrace your emotions by walking into them. Release your
emotions by walking out the other side. That's one way to embrace
and release your emotions. Anytime you embrace and release your
thoughts and feelings - you'll find yourself a tiny bit stronger.
If you're depressed - write it out. Then FEEL what you've written.
Then you can reach for loneliness. If you're lonely, do the same
with *those* thoughts and feelings, so you can reach for hate. Not
to stay there, but as one step up the ladder. The key is to STOP
AVOIDING those horrible feelings. Instead, go *into* them and out
the other side. That's how you climb the ladder and start feeling
better. *** In a few days, hopefully by tomorrow, I'll put up a web
page that shows all the emotions. It'll be on the new blog at
emotional-times.com. I just have to figure out the