When it is okay to tell, not
show, in your writing? This is the question
that's being debated right now on the CBI
Clubhouse message board. Let's begin with some
definitions for those of you new to these
concepts.
Telling
uses abstract,
general terms that can be interpreted several
ways. Telling is often (though not always) done
with a "to be" verb, such as is,
was, were or are.
With telling, the reader simply has to accept
what the author states to be true: The dog
was mean. It was cold outside.
Telling statements are flat and don't generate
a strong response from the reader. Akin to
telling is using weak verbs that don't give the
reader much information:
Sam went to
school.
Showing
uses specific,
concrete, precise nouns and verbs to convey
exactly what the author has in mind. The words
contain layers of meaning that evoke sensory
responses from the reader. The reader can see,
hear, touch, smell, taste the description or
action. The author provides evidence, and the
reader is convinced of the meaning. The author
and reader are on exactly the same
wavelength:
The dog flattened his ears and curled back his
lips to show long, pointed teeth. When I
stepped outside, I felt the cold
air slap me across the cheek,
leaving my face numb. Sam trudged to
school. (Note how the meaning changes with
the verb: Sam skipped to school/
Sam staggered to school/ Sam sauntered to
school.)
Telling is considered a big
no-no in writing, to be avoided at all costs.
But there are a few occasions when telling
makes sense.
When you're stating an
essential, objective
fact. Consider
this:
Jenny looked at her watch. It was five o'clock.
"I'm such an idiot!" she muttered. "How did it
get to be so late?"
"It was five o'clock," is
technically a telling statement, but really,
what's the alternative? Jenny noted the
sun's position in the sky and
calculated the angles of the shadows to
determine it was probably five o'clock.
Not likely. In this example, the reader needs
to know the time, and then move on to Jenny's
reaction. The author can simply state that it's
five o'clock because there's no room for
interpretation. Showing isn't
necessary.
"Objective" is the key word
here. Now look at this sentence: Mrs. Grub
was very tall. Though Mrs. Grub's height
doesn't fluctuate, calling her "tall" is
subjective. Suppose Mrs. Grub is 5' 7". I'd
look her right in the eye, so I wouldn't
consider her taller than average. But she'd
tower over a child who is under four feet. In
this case, Mrs. Grub's height is being
interpreted by the viewpoint character, and
needs to be shown: Mrs. Grub stood up. Her
shadow trailed over Jake's chess board,
blanketed the picnic table, and
tickled the paws of Jake's dog lying under
a tree. Jake tilted his head back and squinted
to read Mrs. Grub's expression.
"Sorry I captured your queen," he
said.
Within
dialogue. We "tell" all the time during
conversations, and it would sound unnatural for
your characters to do otherwise. But you still
need to provide evidence so the reader can
judge whether or not what your character is
saying is accurate. For example:
"Mr. Strand is so unfair!" exclaimed
Denise.
Denise has a right to her
opinion, but how do we, as readers, know if we
agree? Denise needs to show us what she
considers "unfair". Now look at this
example:
"Mr. Strand is so unfair!" exclaimed Denise.
"He made me stay after school to retake a
stupid geography test, and I missed
the
volleyball tryouts!"
We still don't have enough
information, but we're getting closer. We now
know that volleyball is important to Denise,
geography is not. Depending on why
Denise had to retake that test (did she flunk
it the first time because she didn't study, or
was she up the night before the test taking
care of her sick mother?) we'll know if
Denise's opinion of Mr. Strand can be
trusted.
There is some discussion on
the CBI Clubhouse message board whether
gestures used with dialogue are telling. If
your character shrugs, rolls her eyes, plays
with her hair, chews his fingernails or bites
his lip during a conversation, is this telling
instead of showing? In my opinion, gestures
show, because they give the reader visual cues
to the character's emotional state. They
provide a subtext to the conversation. Instead
of writing "Kayla was bored," have Kayla sigh,
roll her eyes, or stare longingly out the
window. Of course, gestures, like any other
writing device, become tedious if overused.
Adjectives and adverbs fall into the same
category. A little goes a long way. Instead,
focus on those strong, specific nouns and
verbs, and you'll find adjectives and adverbs
virtually unnecessary. When you do describe a
noun or verb, again remember "specific". Words
like big. little, good, or
bad don't add much information to the
sentence.
In first person
narration. In a first person story the
viewpoint character is speaking to the reader,
so telling is occasionally allowed because
that's the way we talk. But again, back up the
statements with details that allow the reader
to understand the information on a sensory
level. And if you're going to deliberately
tell, try to surprise the reader:
I woke that morning to the sound of tree
branches scraping frantically against the roof.
When I opened my window, the first
icy raindrops
hit my forehead. I breathed deeply; the air
smelled of decaying leaves, damp grass, and an
undercurrent of frost. It
was a
beautiful day."
In board books, very young
picture books, and early easy
readers. When simple writing is
needed, sometimes telling is your best option.
Books for children under age four, or books for
kids just starting to read on their own, use
short sentences and words.
But picture books for kids
ages 4-8 (the bulk of the picture book market)
are meant to be read out loud to children who
can handle more interesting language, and in
those books showing is a must.
Just because telling's
acceptable in a few circumstances, it's not a
free pass for being a lazy writer who doesn't
want to make the effort to show. In the end,
it's all about finding the balance that's best
for your book.
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