What
began as a routine report before the Senate
Finance Committee Tuesday ended with
Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire
concept of currency, and negating in an
instant the very foundation of the world's
largest economy.
"Though raising interest rates is unlikely
at the moment, the Fed will of course act
appropriately if we…if we…" said Bernanke,
who then paused for a moment, looked down
at his prepared statement, and shook his
head in utter disbelief. "You know what? It
doesn't matter. None of this—this so-called
'money'—really matters at all."
"It's just an illusion," a wide-eyed
Bernanke added as he removed bills from his
wallet and slowly spread them out before
him. "Just look at it: Meaningless pieces
of paper with numbers printed on them.
Worthless."
According to witnesses...
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Representatives from
the emirate of Dubai announced with
disappointment this week that its recent
debt crisis has forced developers to halt
construction on the city's long-planned
22-mile-long indoor mountain range.
Planners continue to take future
reservations for the mountains' 9 and
10-star hotels.
The culmination of a decade's worth of
ambitious and expensive building projects,
Dubai's estimated $100 billion debt
officially brought work on the artificial
mountain range to a stop on Tuesday.
"This is a very sad day for the emirate of
Dubai," Crown Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed
al-Maktoum told reporters at a press
conference held inside the gold-plated
anti-gravity chamber in his palace.
"Although I believe it is the basic right
of all who visit us to be able to scale to
the top of a 15,000-foot-tall manmade
snowcap, these tough economic times
have...
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In
recognition of mankind's inherent
propensity for tragically foolish
decisions, Congress allocated nearly $500
billion Monday for the construction of a
new national monument honoring human
folly.
"From Hannibal's disastrous crossing of the
Alps to Custer's humiliating defeat at
Little Bighorn, human history has been
plagued by senseless mistakes, and it is
high time we built a memorial to honor that
history,"
House
Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said of the
expensive and ill-advised monument. "My
deepest hope is that future generations
of Americans will one day look upon this
pointless edifice and be filled with a
sense of awe and wonder at mankind's
utter lack of foresight."
"To
think of all the ways our time and money
could have been better spent," Pelosi
continued. "I can imagine no more fitting
tribute." .....
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